“Apocalypto,” and how!

As expected, “Apocalypto” kicks mucho ass. Its director Mel Gibson is to action movies what Wagner is to grand opera – a bona-fide, no kidding around about it genius! … who just really happens to be mad as a hatter and hates Jews for inciting all the wars in the world. Funny, I didn’t see any Jews in “Braveheart” or this film, but I’m not here to lend credence to his bigotry by pointing out its baselessness.

This, by god and sonny Jesus, is a movie review, not a Cultural Studies term paper.

As with his previous snuff flick, the chief shortcoming in “Apocalypto” is in the story area. In “The Passion of the Christ,” Gibson took a story about arguably the world’s most influential philosopher who then allegedly rose himself from the grave after death!!! and reduced it to the sorry spectacle of watching someone be tortured to death in real time.

He brings a similarly deft touch to the storyline here, although it is sliiiightly more developed. To wit: Mayan peasants hunt boar, Mayan peasants are kidnapped for sacrifice by Mayan rulers, one escapes to save his young family and the chase is on!

Gibson doles this story out over almost two and a half hours, but thanks to his skill as a director, the action never lags. I covered my eyes repeatedly during the goriest scenes (didn’t really need to see some hunter eat freshly cut boar testicles, thank you), nor the decapitations nor the chase through the mass grave, etc., ad nauseum. And man, I do mean ad Nauseum.

There’s even an O Henry ending that ties a lot of what precedes it together, as well as re-contextualizing the entire spectacle. Mel’s got a bigger point to make here, if you make it all the way to the end of this flick.

Still, I’m shocked it came in number one at the box office this weekend, even at a very weak 14 million bucks. I’m happy for Disney which threw $100M+ into making and marketing this thing, that they have bragging rights of an opening weekend victory to see them through the financial bath this film will take.

Obviously, with a subtitled, ultra-violent, R-rated flick starring a cast of brown-skinned unknowns, the whole marketing campaign would have to have supposed to have been Mel, Mel, Mel and more Mel. Mel with Matt Lauer, Mel with Jay Leno, Mel with Jon Stewart, Mel with Regis and Kathy Lee – you get the idea. When Mel’s drunken, anti-semetic rant occurred, the suits at Disney had to have known their film was gonna arrive dead on arrival. Instead of the full-court media blitz they were counting on the director for, all they got was a half-contrite, half-self-denial interview with Diane Sawyer about alcoholism and racism, and Mel’s comments to someone in defense of Michael Richards’ racist rant. (Mel accused the media of “torturing the guy,” then wished him well.)

So as I say, the fact that it won even a very weak box office battle its first week out had to have been greeted with sighs of relief in Burbank, but the long-range prognosis is no “The Passion of the Christ.”

Anyhow, this film improves greatly on “The Passion…” if only because it contains an actual story in between its startling scenes of torture and abuse. Boycott it if you must – because of Gibson’s racism, or the film’s extreme and graphically presented violence, or whatever other reason you have, but know that you are missing one hell of an excellent, exciting piece of action filmmaking.