Flash: McCain Bails on Prez. Debate!

Holy shit! Every political maneuver in McCain’s playbook these days is a Hail Mary pass! Bailing on the debate to go back to where he helped give birth to the current banking/mortgage/housing crisis, and presumably preside over its speedy resolution is either a stroke of genius or the act of a desperate, flailing and failing politician. In an election where facts don’t have to make sense, this strategy has an almost existential symmetry to it.

It’s definitely a better political play than going ahead with a debate where he’s guaranteed to get clobbered for decades of votes to deregulate all the industries that are now falling like dominoes and wreaking said dire economic havoc.

While I write this, the people in my TV set are telling me that Obama is leaning away from McCain’s proposal to delay the debate. I have no idea what I’d do if I was him. McCain’s desperate ploy has put him in a pretty pickle. McCain’s suggestion sounds great on its face – one for all, all for one and all – but once you factor the political aspect into it, it’s an obvious cheap dodge from a guy who, I don’t know, maybe his debate prep-work wasn’t going so well?

No matter what Obama decides, it can be spun into a political gold by his opponents, who will disseminate talking points to the mainstream media that they will happily repeat without context or comment for the next week.

On the other hand, to further “help” McCain’s chances, the widely-loathed still-President Bush is going to take up valuable network airtime tonight to remind Americans that he and John McCain are of one mind on this issue.

This has really got my heart pumping. They’ll have to carry my laptop out with me.

First Responder: Do you know your name, sir?

Me: …wireless…

First Responder: What?

Me: Does your fucking ambulance have wireless?!

Oh, so much fun. This campaign has been like two years of slow-motion soap opera that is now speeding up to climax after climax like a really good novel by a great writer like Vonnegut, or that guy who wrote “Doc Savage.” And when I say Vonnegut, I’m thinking of Al Franken’s senatorial run in Minnesota. It could happen. This was the state that elected Jesse Ventura. The Last Boy Scout is apoplectic and I always take that as a good sign in matters political. When the other guys are blinded by their rage, that’s all the advantage a clever fellow like Franken should need. How cool would it be to have the Sunday morning news shows brightened up occasionally by Franken’s irreverent presence?

And hey, what the fuck is up with all this unprecedented need for speed in DC? Is it because we’re facing such a dire, extinction-level threat (like Galactus, for example) that it must be resolved now, instantaneously, or is it perhaps because congress’ recess starts at the end of this week? No matter what comes of the new debate debate, these congressional cocksuckers ought to be required, forced if necessary, to stay on the job until the legislation is passed. If I’m walking out the door on vacation and the computers go down, wiping out all of next week’s newspaper, do I shut off the lights and get in my car or call the wife and tell her I’ll have to meet at the cabin in a couple days? Damn right I stay.

For Christ’s sake, the nation’s legislators ought to at least be held to the same devotion to duty as an over-the-hill hack who produces life-support systems for legal advertising… shouldn’t they?

Ooh, it’s Barack-time! Let’s listen … Oh god, he’s rambling, just a little. And by ‘ramble,’ I mean speaking full sentences that contain actual ideas. I hope he gets to the sound bytes soon. Something pithy, and if it can rhyme, that would be awesome.

Get to the point, Barack. He thinks he’s building suspense, but he’s burying the lead. … He didn’t even get to it, he waited for the first questioner to pose the question about continuing with the debate. … Finally! The debates. … all right. Shit’s on. That makes it really interesting! He’s rambling again. A transcript would be one long paragraph made up of words, commas and semi-colons. Breathe, man, breathe!

Second question: Is Obama going back to DC? Answer: No, unless his presence is required. Again, he suggests presidents ought to be able to multi-task. Outrageous!

More details… snooze. If I’m writing, he must be blathering… Oh I know – let’s have a laugh at Fox’s pullquotes… “…McCain and I had cordial conversation…” Yay for Fox News! They’re unitificators, not divisionators!

Barack looks good between two flags. He looks right. I could easily watch him age 10 years in the next four years.

What the hell is McCain’s move now? What does the media do if only one candidate turns up for a debate? Invite in the number three guy, maybe the Green Party candidate? Ron Paul? Stay home?

I’m on the edge of my seat — I can’t wait to see what happens next!


Addendum 1:30AM: Wow, Letterman was brutal tonight!

McCain was booked to be on the show but bailed out late in the day, and Dave was clearly outraged at the last-minute cancellation. It was one of those things that stuck in his craw, and he returned to it constantly the whole show. It’s like he couldn’t help himself, like he was caught in the throes of a compulsion of escalating bad behavior. That’s why I’ll always take a trainwreck of a Letterman show over a smoothly-polished Jay Leno production any night. Jay can be counted on to stay on message, whereas Letterman is just plain fucking nuts when his dander is up.

Even while reiterating that he understood McCain’s feeling compelled to head immediately back to DC to work on the country’s financial meltdown, steam still poured from Dave’s ears all night. He kept repeating, “You don’t suspend your campaign…” and variations of “This just stinks.”

He also kept wondering in faux confusion why McCain wouldn’t offer his very-worthy vice-presidential candidate in his stead. She’s ready to lead, she successfully posed in a series of photos with world leaders earlier that very day – even met Bono! – she should certainly be able to navigate a simple late night TV interview, shouldn’t she? Where oh where was Sarah Palin?

At about the half-way point in the show, during fill-in guest Keith Olbermann’s spot, Letterman learned that, contrary to McCain’s personal assertions to him about returning immediately to DC, he was at the moment of Dave’s taping doing an interview with Letterman’s own network’s Katie Couric, just down the street. He did a live cutaway to the interview-in-progress and heckled his image on the monitor bitterly.

It was vintage Letterman – this episode is destined to become a classic – and it was the latest version of vintage McCain, like a memo that had been Xeroxed from Xeroxes for so many generations it could barely be read anymore.

I don’t see McCain winning the propaganda war on this one. I only see it reinforcing the storyline that he’s too old and fragile to deal with more than one responsibility at a time (when in fact I believe it was pure political calculation). Either way, his bluff’s been called but good. He took a calculated risk suspending his campaign to ‘roll up his sleeves and get to work,’ but when he crossed Letterman, he crossed a line.