POSITION AVAIL. IMMED.: War Czar

Disclaimer: I hate it when time and circumstances don’t permit me to comment on current events in their immediate aftermath. All the professional smart-asses beat me to the best jokes.

That having been said…

“War Czar,” eh?

… Reeeeally?!

The Commander-in-Chief needs a Czar. A Czar, as it happens, of War. Somebody to make the, you know, important war decisions. A ‘Decider,’ if you will. Someone, someone with the kind of track record of asserting unilateral decision-making powers in the area of the defense of the homeland that is unassailable. That kinda mythic, swaggering, John Wayne type o’ fella.

I think you can see where I’m going.

For years now, Bush has been taking full, flagrant advantage of his Constitutionally-guaranteed power to make unchecked decisions regarding the prosecution of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Now it turns out he wants to use that awesome Constitutionally-endowed power to… delegate that awesome Constitutionally-endowed power to someone else??

Jonny Stewart hit the nail on the head the other night. All the “power” any potential War Czar will actually wield will begin and end with the power to absorb ALL the blame for the Iraq/Afghanistan fucktastrophe, retroactive back to September 12, 2001.

Any job with a title containing the word “czar” in it should come with a “HIT ME!” sign for the middle of the new-hire’s forehead. We’ve had a Drug Czar for twenty-plus years, right? Ask little Johnny and Janey Tweener, strung out on whatever’s going around the middle school this week, how the government’s War On Drugs is working out. If it’s a proper government job, they make you a secretary of this, or the vice-president in charge of that; they don’t give you the title of doomed Russian aristocrisy. It would be like appointing someone “Fuhrer of Agriculture” after seven years of drought.

And apparently, all the military brass they’ve offered the gig to have figured that out, responding with a hearty group “hell no!” From Maureen Dowd’s piece on the same subject, The Washington Post reported that at least five retired four-star generals have refused to be considered; the paper quoted retired Marine Gen. Jack Sheehan as saying, “The very fundamental issue is, they don’t know where the hell they’re going.”

I can’t wait till they hit the talk- and news show circuit.

This is a last-ditch, desperation ploy. The administration is drowning in flop sweat and they’re actually advertising for a Fall Guy. When the Green Zone cafeteria is no longer safe from suicide bombers, no reasonable person stateside has any reason to continue to believe the lie that Baghdad is, or ever has been secure. There was wild, Rumsfeldian-sanctioned looting in the streets from Day One of the occupation and the chaos only escalates as our presence there drags on.

I’m telling you, this “War Czar” thing is a last-ditch effort, a panic move, and there will only be more to follow as the wars worsen and Congressional investigations broaden. God help our Republic.