Die, “American Idol,” Die!!

“Soul Patrol” my ass. That pasty-faced, white-bread, salt-n-pepper-headed fuck is no more a Soul Singer than I am a Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman.

How can you people (my fellow Americans) invest yourselves emotionally in this ersatz shit? Sometimes The Missus and I tape the show that follows it for later viewing (love that “House”), and we get a snippet of the end of “Idol” and it just makes us cringe.

Any kind of ‘Reality TV’ that doesn’t conclude with the hot tub transmission of STDs has no place in our home. And because of its unaccountable popularity, “American Idol” clocks in as the worst offender of its reprehensible genre.

Competing networks cover it like it was news and otherwise serious people buzz about the results and throw around catch-phrases (‘what up, dog?’ – what is that shit?) and I have never been prouder of being left out of any cultural phenomenon.

Folks, it’s a goddamned overlit, overamped game show with lots of boring people oversinging the hell out of overproduced versions of middle-of-the-road dreck. This isn’t good for our children, it’s not good for pop music and by God, it doesn’t make America proud, either.

Ed McMahon, I blame you. This whole ugly business started with “Star Search.” Not only do you have Rosie O’Donnell’s career to atone for, but now “American Idol” too.

For shame!