Travels with Fang, Day 1:

A couple of observations on our trip to Boise to secure lodging for everybody and schoolin’ for The Boy.

Observation number 1: Flying on a turboprop airplane is scary as shit, even if one doesn’t ordinarily care much if one lives or dies. Climbing onto one of these fuckers will get you off the fence right quick. Nothing like staring your mortality in the face to make you decide you’d like to live after all. Worst moment: When the flight attendant went up and down the aisle before take-off, asking people to switch seats to better balance the plane. When we reached our destination, I commented that I was grateful to have survived the first leg of the trip on an airplane the size of a spacious coffin. Our fellow passengers did not seem to appreciate my analogy.

Observation number 2: Doubling down on the daily dose of anti-anxiety meds and muscle relaxers just before bed means a hell of a swell night’s sleep. Literally the best sleep I’ve had in years. It’s a shame I’m only on the muscle relaxers for the period of the move. I could LOVE getting strung out on this shit.

Observation number 3: Thanks to a Twitter friend of The Missus, house-hunting took us no time at all. She found the place, did a walk-through with the landlord and proclaimed the domicile livable. All we had to do was show up on time and sign paperwork.

Oh Twitter, where would we be without your tweetifications?

Observation number 4: It gets dark crazy late this far north. We stumbled back to the hotel at 9:30 p.m., and the sun was just starting to go down. The Missus promises me the days are as short in winter as they are long in summer, but I’m not living in winter right now.

Observation number 5: Job interviews are much less stressful if the applicant isn’t currently unemployed at the time of said interview. There’s a kick-ass gig available up here for someone with my specific, rapidly becoming quaint and antiquated skill set. I think I did well at the interview. Didn’t stutter or make inappropriate remarks and I think I asked some intelligent questions.

But ultimately, it’s a crap shoot. I’m gonna inform my current employers about the move today or Monday, depending on when I muster the intestinal fortitude. I work from home, but they could just as easily decide to cut me loose rather than deal with the hassle of having an out-of-state employee. That would put me in a pretty pickle, which is why I didn’t try to learn my fate before the trip. If I’d gone into today’s interview knowing I was facing unemployment if I didn’t get the job, I would have reeked of desperation, and desperation is not a quality an employer is looking for in a potential production manager of a very successful printing company.

Observation number 6: We were in town one day and drove past some major daylight, guns-drawn police action. I lived in SoCal for 20 years and never witnessed the like. Only red flag all day, but it was a hell of a red flag.

Observation number 7: Idaho is militantly anti-gay rights. Very much so, me-hate-you-long-time opposed. Coming from Christmas Island, where this battle is in its final stages, I find myself compelled to attend the Gay Pride rally they have thoughtfully scheduled on our last day out here. I’ve never rallied in protest before (I always show up to the controversy after it’s been settled), but I will be happy to raise my voice in this one. Discrimination of any sort not based on a person’s informed decision-making makes my blood boil. People are people, and to my way of thinking, we’re all born equally flawed and remain so unless and until we decide to rebel against our baser nature.

Observation number 8: I’m addicted to The Boy. We both are. We miss him like crazy. My sister is staying with him (God bless her; we couldn’t convince his Grandparents to overnight in our messy, moldy house for all the wine-tastings in Napa), and except for his hoiking in her car on the way back from the zoo, they’ve been having a high old time. Thanks to The Last Boy Scout for taking a moment from his band’s concert at the zoo to spend a couple minutes to schmooze my family.

Speaking of The Last Boy Scout, thanks too for hooking me up with Boise’s coolest comic shop. I was gonna try to kick the habit, but kicking habits has never really been my strong suit. I’m glad there’s plenty of room in the garage for new purchases…

Observation number 9: The drugs are really beginning to kick in. I’m typing slower and slower and most of that time entails going back and fixing typos. Bleah.

The  next day and a half all we have scheduled is signing The Boy up for preschool. The Missus wants to spend the rest of it acquainting herself with our upcoming home town; I want to see The A Team.

So that was Day One. I’m gonna hate leaving TLBS behind, but otherwise, I think I might actually like it here.