A Modest Proposal: An A-Bomb For Iraq

I have a question: Why in the name of all that is sweet-smelling do people continue to congregate in Iraq?

Every single fucking day I wake up to news of the latest massacre from W’s Excellent Middle-Eastern Adventure, and one thing is always the same – the killers blow themselves up in places where there are throngs of eager victims gathered.

Since nobody but nobody – not W, not his Generals, not John McCain nor Barack Obama nor all the king’s horses and all the king’s men – can figure out how to stop the violence, doesn’t it make sense for the citizens of Iraq to do the one thing they can do to minimize their exposure to said violence, and avoid crowds?

I’m not even being glib. I’m totally serious. There have to be off-hours in which to get the family shopping done. Praying can be done from home... How many mass gatherings have to be suicide-bombed before a light goes off and Iraqis stop clumping themselves together into attractive mass targets for the lunatics living among them?

Maybe our military should turn their attention from achieving an impossible “victory” in Iraq and launch a putting-a-man-on-the-moon-level effort to craft an Agoraphobia Bomb that we can drop on the whole damned country, and rob the insurgents and terrorists of the victims they need to achieve their headlines?

Your country is a shithole anyhow, folks. It was that way when we got there, and we’ve only made things immeasurably worse since then. You’ve got nothing to lose by staying home but getting blown to bits.