Dumbleyou’s Latest Media Blitz (Day Three)

It’s a shame that his public appearances up till now have been such an unbroken series of carefully-orchestrated shams that one has to give the President props just for answering un-prescreened questions, but that’s where we’re at.

A couple appearances ago, his first audience questioner asked him straight-on if he thought what was brewing up in the middle east was the coming of Armageddon as spelled out in the Book of Revelations. If you caught his answer, you will believe a white man can dance! A good five+ minutes of non-sequiters, sentence fragments and awkward squirming later he was able to move on to the next question, obviously without offering a direct answer. High-larious. High comedy. And for a self-professed born-again Christian, hypocrisy.

Yesterday’s freewheeling appearance before the White House Press Corps was pretty interesting, too. He asked Helen Thomas, dean of the Beltway Media Elite, her first question in 3 or 4 years. She’s been on the administration shitlist from early on, and based on her performance here, undoubtedly will remain there for the duration. She basically asked him what the REAL reason we invaded Iraq was and boy howdy, did that not sit well with the Misleader-in-Chief. It was one of the few times that morning that his good ole boy demeanor slipped.

Mostly though, he did his best to remain affable and gregarious throughout, since that’s the only poll question, I suppose, that people are still responding positively to. You know, that he’s the kind of feller you’d like to have over for brewskis and Monday Night Football.

Which got me to thinking: The more I watched, the more it occurred to me, this man’s behavior and responses are classic addict behavior (something I can speak to first-hand). I’m not among those saying he’s still drinking (I honestly believe he could be the bike-crashing, pretzel-choking, Segway-tipping clod he’s made out to be), but having never sought professional assistance in dealing with his drinking & coke problems – unless you count alleged long walks on the beach at Kennebunkport with family friend Billy Graham – W continues to repeat his addict behavior, unfortunately for us, on the world stage.

Replace this lie: I can quit any time I want! with this one: We have an exit strategy!

Same lie, different context.

Who will bear the ultimate responsibility for withdrawing our troops from Iraq? Oh, the next President. Or the next. Not me though, because it isn’t my fault. Saddam’s behavior [equally as egregious as that of other dictators we have and have had cozy relationships with] forced my hand. What could I do? Not my fault.

Should Donald Rumsfeld resign after having fucked up every single step of the Iraq War? Oh hell no – he’s doing a great job! Different context: "Hey George, don’t you think you ought to slow down a little? You have to drive home.” “Hell no, I can handle my liquor!”

The repeated denials of stuff that is obvious to everyone but him (“Civil war in Iraq? What civil war?”), blaming on all his problems on others (at yesterday’s event, for example, he blamed the media for having the temerity to broadcast images of the inferno that he has created over there) – you go right on down the Addict Behavior Checklist and this guy’s got them all. Still. And that’s the problem.

Should being a former druggie and drunk necessarily disqualify someone from being President? Shit no. If Johnny Cash was alive, I’d vote for him in a second. If Wink Musselman stood for office, I’d quit my job and run his campaign for him.

But being a white-knuckle recovering wreck still over your head in denial, not only about the scope of your substance-abuse problem but in the rest of your world-view as well, in this day and age, really could be the run-up to the Excellent Adventure spelled out in the back books of the Bible.

The Apocalypse? Bring it on and blame somebody else.