Big Disappointments: This year’s summer movies (so far)

Liked “Star Trek.” Liked “Up.” But I didn’t like either enough to feel like I had anything to say that I hadn’t already read elsewhere, written better and for pay.

Admittedly, I haven’t seen every summer film this year. It still takes either abandoning my wife and seeing it alone, or forking over a million bucks to make a night of it, or even an afternoon.

It’s funny that I’ve reviewed a couple of real disappointments, but didn’t add my voice to the Hallelujah Choir on either of the season’s brightest lights so far. “Star Trek” and “Up” both suffered from the disadvantage of high expectations. High expectations that were met, but not exceeded. As far as “Up” goes, maybe I’ll like it more after I’ve seen it ten thousand times in the front room on DVD.

Just saw “Drag Me To Hell.” Except for continuing to crush on lead Alison Lohman, the movie seemed slow compared to the rapturous reviews I had foolishly allowed myself to read. The first half didn’t even pass my ‘Would I keep watching this at home if there was other stuff to do?’ test. I ended up staying, but at this point, I’d seen it all before. This movie seemed like a barely-there breath mint to cleanse director Sam Raimi’s palate between gargantuan “Spider-Man” extravaganzas. And maybe I’m wrong, but if Bruce Campbell had a cameo, I missed it. I’ll have to check imdb.

“Angels & Demons?” Pass. The first film spoiled me on this franchise but quick. Not even a rental. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’m not going to gamble 2.5 hours of an increasingly busy life on Maybe.

Haven’t seen “Land of the Lost.” Don’t think it’ll lose much in the transition to home video. I’ll probably go see “Night at the Museum” because I think the boy will enjoy it. Dinosaurs, cowboys on horsies…! And if it gets him interested in period epics, well that would be the dream. Breed someone to watch “Logan’s Run,” “Land of the Pharaohs” and “The Fall of the Roman Empire” with me.

Probably go see “Transformers” just because Michael Bay knows how to build an exciting, soulless 2+ hours of summer movie mayhem like nobody’s business.

Beyond that, all I see is “Bruno,” “Public Enemies,” “G.I. Joe” (I know, but the trailer is amazing!) and Tarantino’s “Inglourious Basterds” in late August. I figure they’re releasing that one so late that, if it strikes box office gold, it might still be playing in theaters when the Academy starts casting about for movies to throw awards at.

Other than that, I see bupkis.

I did see a couple of videos I liked. The feel-good buzz I had been hoping to catch on “Up” I caught instead in the much more clumsily animated “Meet The Robinsons.” Bigger story involving time travel, space travel, a weird adoption scenario with a believable happy ending… Lots of shit flings around and is manic and multi-colored for the boy, but I liked the story.

Also saw one called “Powder Blue.” It’s one of those American films that has aspirations to art (ie: foreign films’ pointlessness and nihilism). Lots of unconnected characters reveal their connections by movie’s end. Yawn! Oh, did I mention it’s a hard R and Jessica Biel plays a stripper in it? Not recommended unless you like kinky scenes of former Disney Channel child stars dripping hot wax on themselves...

Oh, and the new “Iron Man: Armored Adventures” cartoon running over on one of the Nick channels kicks maximum ass! For so long, all I’ve had was top-notch DC cartoon fare to feed the boy (Superman, any of the Batman cartoon series in the last 20 years); finally Marvel is beginning to put out some quality product, too. I’m hoping that there will be similar such high-quality animated efforts to accompany their upcoming “Thor” and “Captain America” live-action releases.

...

Okay, I’m boring myself. I’ve officially jumped my own shark. Time to find something to do to actually entertain myself. … I wonder what’s on TV…?