‘Liveblogging’ Dumbleyou’s Press Conference

or: Bush accidentally speaks truth at press conference — nation agog. Handlers aghast.

Let me back up. W is doing a live TV press event on something bullshit – the War on Mexicans, I believe – but of course all the press wants to talk about is Iraq.

I missed the first few minutes so I’m not sure what the question was, but right now he’s enthusing in his own monosyllabic way that the Chinese should buy American beef. “They’ll like it!” (This is a true, actual quote.)

He’s making quips between questions, joshing with the reporters as if they didn’t have a collective contempt for him bordering on revulsion, and shilling for his Big Beef Backers while dodging questions about the escalating violence in Iraq.

Augh!! “If we were to fail [in Iraq], they’d come and get us!” He just said that again. And again I remind him ‘they’ already came and got us. On 9/11. And Oklahoma City before that, for Christ’s sake, and ‘they’ was one of ‘us.’ Terror isn’t a skin color or a religion, it’s a state of mind. How does creating the perfect-storm conditions for, and then sticking around to referee, a long-brewing civil war half-way around the world effectively address the state of mind that produces Oklahoma Cities and Zodiac Killers?

On why he hasn’t caught bin Laden: He’s in hiding. His activities have been severely curtailed. “Bin Laden is not out there feeding the hungry.” I swear to God. Bush has just implied that, had we not been hunting him lo these many years, Osama would have been out there feeding the hungry, ala Mother Theresa. That’s a mighty interesting insight. I guess he really must have access to intelligence the rest of us don’t!

Another reiteration of his support for “Al Gonzales.” Check. Done that…

“Oil for Sanctions program.” Okay, this was a slip of the tongue and not the usual demonstration of gross ignorance, but man that’s funny. Freudian even, it could be argued. Bush just gives and gives and gives and gives.

He just talked about Saddam’s being executed, but, he bragged, not by the same system he gave his own citizens (making the point that Saddam’s execution was so much more equitably carried out than the ones of Hussein’s own regime). Maybe it’s just a quibble, but if your government executes you, you’re just as dead whether they kicked your ass up the gallows steps or led you gently by the hand.

And as I recall, Saddam was pretty much kicked up the gallows steps in the end, anyhow. Very dignified. I’ll bet W was proud to be an American that day.

Ooh, he’s trying to pull attention back to the immigration issue. Bla blab bla…zzzzzz….

Some impertinent fuck just asked him about Iraq being a George-Bush-fulfilling-prophesy (good one!), and Bush’s meandering, obfuscating non-response contained this howler. If it’s not on the Daily Show or Colbert tonight, somebody is laying down on the job:

“The middle east looked nice and cozy for a while.”

WTF?? How uninformed do you have to be to say, out loud, while conscious and for God’s sake in front of a bank of tv cameras, “The middle east looked nice and cozy for a while.”

I swear, again, to God, “nice and cozy.” When the fuck in anybody’s lifetime has the middle east been nice and cozy? It’s been a barren, backward cauldron of murder, mayhem and misogyny since Cain slew Abel in the first chapter of that idiot’s own Holy Bible!

Like all the partying he said he did in New Orleans as a youth, he’s probably thinking about all the good times he had at his dad’s pal’s palaces in Saudi Arabia during that same hard-partying ‘youthful-indiscretionary’ period. Like people who’ve only been to the University of Arizona think Tucson is a pretty swell place to live, instead of the barren, backward cauldron of murder, mayhem and poverty that it is.

He just finally said something true, although I’m sure not in the way he meant it: “Failure in Iraq will cause future generations to suffer.”

That’s the quote that ought to be in the first paragraph of every future history book entry on W’s ill-fated two terms in office.


“Failure in Iraq will cause future generations to suffer.”

—President George W Bush, May 24, 2007