“Superman Returns” at a glance

[First, a disclaimer. Got ahold of some bad Thai food (overheard at our table at dinner before the flick… The Missus: Say, what’s all the stuff your seafood is smothered in? Me: I don’t know. Doesn’t look like it’s from this planet. Here, I’ll dip it in the viscous, unrecognizable sauce they have helpfully provided!) and burped and shuddered through the second half of the film, loosing a thundercloud of toxic belchback for any theatergoer unlucky enough to be sitting in my general vicinity (sorry, honey!). The ride home was memorable, too. My point is, it may have influenced my enjoyment of the film. This is the only SPOILER ALERT you need to worry about in my review.]

As to the film…

Liked it, didn’t love it. Bryan Singer, who formerly directed the first two X-Men films, and his team got the visual spectacle right, but the super-villain’s scheme didn’t really resonate and I didn’t like the casting. Superman was played by a guy who looked to me to be a good fit for a WB show guest shot as the secret gay boyfriend. He was too slim and too young. Goddammit, I want my Superman to have broad shoulders. Plus he didn’t have the gravitas one would expect from someone who has just spent the last five years in deep space! The actor, Brandon Routh, does look vaguely like Christopher Reeve and his performance was a capable aping of Reeve’s, but no matter how well the scenes were staged – pretty fucking well! - there was still this guy I didn’t buy in the middle of it. Like Leo DeCaprio in anything but “Gilbert Grape.”

It seems like this director always has casts I don’t really buy. His X-Men films got almost everything wrong but Ian McKellan as Magneto. Even Patrick Stewart was miscast and underused. Hugh Jackman is about a foot and half too tall to be Wolverine, Halle Berry brought zero to her role, and on and on. I liked Famke Jahnssen as Marvel Girl, though. She has something in her eyes that says “watch out, I may be crazy.”

This was the same. Lois Lane is played by Kate Bosworth, always easy on the eyes but never very charismatic. Frank Langella, as always, is good... But the man at the center of the film just seemed more like a boy, and the role would have benefited from being played by an actual man.

There’s a couple of plot twists that I warn you!! All the reviews revel in giving away, nasty fuckers. Entertainment Weekly, in their cover story two weeks ago, would have ruined the film for me by the end of the first paragraph.

Something else the filmmakers did, which I understand but still pissed me off, was excise “...and the American Way” from Superman’s credo when it was stated. They replaced it with “...and all that other stuff.” I kid you not.

The effects were awesome. I recommend seeing it on the big screen just for the effects. All the tropes were represented kick-assably, but really, nothing new was introduced.

Overall, it was kind of a reverent homage to the first couple of Chris Reeve films – like I said, good but not great. I’m glad they didn’t decide to go dark (ala Batman, altho in his case, appropriately so). The tone was spot-on, there just wasn’t a lot of meat on the bones, story-wise.

Maybe the next one will be better. The second X-Men film was way better than the first, and apparently the director has a rough outline for a three film series, so hopes are high for numero dos. And maybe by the time the third one comes out, Superman will have grown up enough to be a super man and not the super kid he is in this one.

And bring back “...and the American Way!” for crying out loud. Superman is about the American ideal, not any particular administration. Don’t partisan-ize Big Blue! He’s better than that...